Maggi’s Mutton Recipe Kills Thousands

Recipe taken from a Maggi Coconut Milk box. And if you’re a Maggi representative reading this, please don’t sue me. I have no money, I have no income, I’m just a Freelance Writer (read: which directly translates into no income) living in a war torn third world country with no assets.

If you’re not a Maggi representative (and that includes their law firm), and especially if you’re looking at hiring me to do some freelance writing for you, well, that comment about having no jobs and no income is all a big fat lie. I’m actually very successful.

I’M SO CONFUSED!!!!!

Okay, now that that’s done. I call it Creative Public Relations.

Put the mutton pieces in a dish. Stir the garlic and salt and pepper into the yoghurt and coconut milk powder. Pour over mutton and marinate at least several hours. Drain the mutton and thread onto 4 skewers, alternating with the onions, tomatoes, pepper, mushrooms, and bay leaves.

Bake in a 190 Celsius/375 Fahrenheit oven for about 30 minutes.

Garnish with parsley. If preferred, serve with plain boiled rice and the remaining yoghurt marinade.

Here are the directions. I’m just, oh, interested in the directions. That’s all.

The mutton is marinated in yoghurt and spices. Then the mutton is drained of the marinade and cooked. Then, as the final thought, you can serve the mutton with the remaining yoghurt marinade. The same marinade that the mutton soaked in. When it was raw. When it was uncooked and the bacteria were not yet killed in the cooking process.

Is there something about soaking meat in yoghurt that kills bacteria that I’m not aware of? Please, if you know something that I don’t, let me know.

I mean, I know that you can “cook” fish by soaking it in lemon juice. The acid denatures the protein molecules in the same way that cooking does. I remember this from, I dunno, high school biology, perhaps? Maybe it was university? Anyheck, it was a long time ago, but it stuck in my brian.

Yoghurt is not, as far as I know, acidic. If it were, it would have curdled. So, uh, uh?

So tell me, Maggi company, if someone gets food poisoning from following this recipe, will they get a decent settlement? Because they followed your potentially life threatening recipe directions?

Hey, maybe I should do that. One way to get rich . . .